Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
