i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
