i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
We had sex on a dog bed..
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Randomize
