you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
