Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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