No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
