I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
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