I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
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I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
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As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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