they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
