is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
