if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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