WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Randomize
