You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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