Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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