i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
as a side note pls kill me
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
