Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
