Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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