i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
You ate ashes out of my bong
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
