Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
