So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
