i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
