Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
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