You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
You took a bar mat shot.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
