My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
so let's talk penis.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
