there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize