i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
