my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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