Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
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