I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
splinters make it hard to masturbate
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
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