we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
