wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize