I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
