she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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