I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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