Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
She announced her abortion via fbk
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Randomize
