i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I should be sponsored by Trojan
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize
