Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
People in love make me want to vomit
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
