Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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