I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
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