He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
