dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
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