I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
