I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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