Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
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