Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
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