Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
