i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
