I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
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