We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
