I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
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