oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I smell like Dick and happiness
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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