Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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