Can i not drive my cunt home
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
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