I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
