I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
