Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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