im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Banned from zoo.
Again?
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
