The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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