I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
