Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
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