i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
