i need an iv and a liver transplant
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
