Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
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