Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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