i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
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