Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
