We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
