I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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